Why Me?

Today all I want to do is scream my frustration and lack of patience at anyone that crosses my path. The littlest things are driving me to distraction and I am, once again, getting short and snappy without due need or reason. I can put it down to the medication but it doesn't change how I feel at the bottom of it all:
WHY AM I THE ONLY PERSON IN THE WORLD THAT CAN'T DO THIS OH SO SIMPLE AND NATURAL THING!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I know in my rational brain that I am not the only person who is going through this nightmare and that there are plenty of couples out there going through this and worse than me so why do I feel so alone? Why does it feel like only me that is living this? And why does it feel like no one understands?

A few weeks ago I was approached by a pregnant friend whom I thought was avoiding me. Turned out I was right and she was concerned that just by being around me she would make me feel worse when actually I don't mind, I am pleased for them and wish them all the happiness in the world however I am a human being and can't help being jealous and she understood that - it was not a negative thing, just one of those things that just is. I can chose to walk away if I get upset or angry, I can chose to change the conversation to other, less painful topics but I can't change that some people, not many, but some, treat me like some kind of leper, terrified in case i am 'catching'.

I am still waiting for my coucncelling sessions, it feels like they will never come and it feels like the NHS just doesn't care about me, they would rather help everyone else but me. I had been so hopeful that my appointments would not take long so I could build on what I had already achieved but 7 weeks later I have lost all hope that I will get allocated an appointment at all.

I want to make no apologies to myself for this turning into a rant, that is how I feel and it feels better to slam the keyboard into words in the vain hope that frustration vented here saves a real person from me.