Today has been a pretty crappy day in the office so I decided to take a moment to record how my circumstances have affected and been affected by the fact I work full time and the job that I do. There are days when I just don't want to get out of bed to come to work but I have no choice.
I have to remember, and sometimes it is hard to, that I work for a good company and my boss is very understanding. He has allowed me the flexibility I have needed to attend appointments, to take time off and to have melt downs. He has also tried to be an ear when I have needed one and for that I must be grateful. But, I work in a busy, fast paced office with people flying all over the place all of the time and when all I want to do is hide and be left to be busy in peace it is hard to achieve.
I have also found it very hard, at times, to be around people who have no idea what is going on. People that barely know me and get still I have to continue to make polite conversation about whatever topic they come up with, often families and children, which, whilst some days is fine, other days is very hard for me to manage.
Taking time off for appointments does make me feel incredibly guilty and I desperately try to make up time taken so that no one can say I am taking the mickey but this is hard to do when you have a long commute and a lot of appointments, often grouped together. The other thing I struggle with is the length of time I have been asked for the flexibility and how sometimes I feel that it is just one trauma after another. I do look forward to the day when I can say all my appointments are done but that means the ulitmate failure in that there is nothing left to be done with me.
Work is a necesity, there is nothing short of a lottery win that can change that and the best I can do is grit my teeth and get on with it remembering that I have good friends and understanding when I need it but hoping that one day, just maybe, I will have a more important job to do . . . .
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