Relations

with the relations and relationships my focus has almost always been fixated on my husband - a calm man who refuses to be ruffled and takes life quietly one stride at a time. The complete opposite to me impatient and headlong rush into achieving my goals.



Away from him I can admit that he must have the patience of a saint to deal with my mood swings, outbursts and uncomphrehensible behaviour but he has done it stoiclly. Living with me can be volitile and he doesn't always get it right but I can't imagine life without him, the seflish piece of me wants him to be with me forever, the other half of me depseratly wants him to fulfill his own dreams of a family and wants him to get that whether he was with me or not - I pray that I never have to make that choice.



Turning to the rest of my family - I have never been as close to my mum as my dad. I share my hobbies with my dad, my sense of humour with my dad but mum and aI are cut from the same cloth. It does end with personality clash and arguements as we do bring out the worst in each other but she can, when she remembers, be the most supportive person in the world and I do think that sometimes I am a bit too harsh on her. It is so easy when you are in the middle of a nightmare to remember that other people have issues going for them and even more hard to be not selfish about things. I am trying, I don't always suceed but I do try.

My friends are the strangest bunch - pulled from many places in my life and with all I have some form of connetion, some in common. Some understand me easier that others, some have more time for me and some use me as you might a punching bag but they are all there and all are important. I have found that this journey has made me a bit of a social leper, especially with friends who are pregnant or have babies as they have no comprehension of me and seem terrified of upsetting me - what is boils down to is that they cut me out becuase they don't know what else to do with me and never put themselves in a position to just ask me what I want.

I am hoping time with change this, we are nearly 2 and half years into this and have only just in the last couple of months really started confessing to people what has been going behind closed doors so I am expecting opportunities to arise so people can be more at ease around me - like everything all that is needed is time.

If I was to take my 'lesson learnt' from this element I would have to go with suggesting that support comes from many places and in many different forms - everyone is entitled to ask for help, to state that they can't cope and to have faith in the family and friends that they have. I continue to be lucky that mine have continued to pick me up off the floor and set me back on my path every time I have needed it.