The Light at the End of the Tunnel

There always has to be a light at the end of every tunnel however isn't it refreshing when you finally realise that it might not be the train coming to run you over.


That is how I trying to look at my tunnel at the moment: my consultant has identified a problem and is taking steps to fix it so one day I might even reach the end of the tunnel - finally I can start to believe it: it has to be the first time in what feels like forever.


Something that my CBT therapist always stresses is to look back at the good things in life - what made me laugh, made me happy and what brought me joy especially in my relationships. Whilst I can see the benefit of this I desperatly want to look to the future, I know it is unknown but it does not stop be from having hope or faith (both things I have struggled to find what with everything round me that clouded my outlook).

In that vein I want to take a moment to remember what brought hubby and me together. We had met a couple of times at various places over a fair span of time but I always remembered his smile and the way he was so respectful and thoughtful of me - strange when I was so used to being completly independant. The first time he visited me at home I had been sent home from work (using flexi leave) a couple of hours early because I was driving my team leader mad with my excitment. All we did all evening was talk - me sat on the chair, him on the sofa and we covered so much ground it was strange - here was someone I was truely comfortable sharing with and it seemed he was the same with me. There have been times when this has been lost amongst the porblems but it has always come back and allowed us to build on whatever has been thrown our way.

I remember all the gifts he has brought me from beautiful bright and vibrant flowers to a DVD he knew I wanted to see to the most beautiful earing and necklace set I had ever seen for our first Christmas together. I remember crying when he presented me with the most perfect engagement ring ever. He had taken time to chose it, have it made to the correct size (by borrowing an old ring from my jewllery box) and make it personal to me - many people think he was very brave, to me it shows how well he knows me as well as how much he loves me.
He still gives me gifts today - more thoughtful as money is tight but the biggest thing he has given me is the gift of time - his patientence should be a thing of legend and with me, he needs it. He has never lost the ability to make me smile or laugh and he never fails to remind me how much he loves me no matter what.

No matter what goes on, I will remember how lucky I am to have found him.