Depression

I finally decided it was time to take a moment to admit to myself:-

I have depression.

It is an illness, not something to be embarressed about but something that I suffer from and I need to take steps to get better.



This last weekend has been a nightmare for me, I have been angry, irratable, frustrated and, for the most part, in tears. A lot of my frustration has been thrown towards my husband, mainly because he is the person closest to me which my logical self says is not reasonable or acceptable but for some reason I do it anyway.



I wanted to take a moment to list why I feel like I do but when it came down to it I couldn't work it out nor could I work out what I want anyone to do or say to me - at the moment there are no answers, or at least, there are no answers that I can come to and when the question is always 'what do you want me to say/do'? I can't answer it so why do I expect the people around me to do so.



I do feel guilty a lot of the time, guilty that I have let down the people nearest to me, guilty that I could do better and guilty that life shouldn't be like this. It doesn't matter how many times people tell me it is not my fault there is no one else to blame. When letters get lost or appointments take time or I come accross someone unhelpful I feel like the universe is conspiring against me which just makes me want to give up despite knowing what the end result might be, I question whether it is worth the nightmare.