A Letter to me?

I wanted to write a letter to my future, to the person I want to be in an years time, in 5 years time, 20 years time and then I realised that, through no fault of my own, I might not be able to be the person I would like to be, I might have to settle for something different. I don't want to say something less as that sounds like there could be no joy or fulfilment for my my life if it takes a different path.


I want to be able to say to myself that in the future I will be able to look back at everything that I have dealt with was all the for the greater good and things came right in the end, that I was never a failure, it just took me a while to achieve. The problem is that right now, I can't see the future with any any clarity and some days I struggle to find any hope that the future might turn out the way I would like. I have to wonder what life will be like either way - the short answer is that I have no idea. And that scares me.

This weekend I had another minor row with my husband - I say minor as it was over nothing, I just was so angry and frustrated that I need to vent out somehow and he, as often before, was the nearest target. I am lucky that he is able to realise where my anger comes from and that it is often directed at him because I don't know where else to send it. I want to ask my future self if I have stopped having these irraitional out bursts as there is nothing to gain from them, I hope that I can look back and see how much I have managed to improve my temper and my emotional control.

I want to know that my future self has been able to manage the loss, the grief and the pain that I am carrying with me at the moment - I want to know that it will all work out for the best and that I am happy and content.