A record

Today I want to talk about my need to record things and the fact that I do this in a number of different places and formats.

The first place I record things is here - this is limited to text really and I am happy with that. My purpose for keeping this blog has not changed since I started it. I wanted to share my experiences with people allowing those close to me to understand how I am feeling and why and also to give them the chance to offer me the support that I am not often capable of asking for but also those who don't know me so well to realise that they are not alone in their circumstances and emotions and that there are people out there that do understand (even if not completely).

I also have a diary that I use on a semi regular basis but I tend to only write in this when I am feeling really low so it can be really upsetting to go back and re-read it.

All that in mind I have recently decided that I wanted to keep a scrap book to document the events of this year. With things looking very low at the moment my hope is that I can use this book to show that there are good things that are worth recording, worth look back on and worth remembering. I have started my book with a couple of pages of photos from last year - the good ones, the ones that remind me that there were moments when life did not seem so pointless or dark, there were moments that I enjoyed living.

I know that there might be some negative things recorded in this book, one on my next pages is going to be a mood board type of thing so I can record the emotions I am struggling with in the hope that in the future I can look back and be proud that I have moved on and become a happier person although I do think I might be setting myself up to fail. Maybe I should wish myself the ability to enjoy the good things without allowing the bad to overshadow everything.