Hope and Faith

Tonight I am tired.

It is late and there is no way I can sleep and so I am sat up watching the TV and playing online until I feel like I can sleep without having to think or dream. The bottle of wine might help as might the rum and coke and I have managed to have a relaxing evening alone which also included a box of chocolates but I still feel like I am missing something and that something is the fact that that instead of a tummy full of booze I should be 8-9 weeks pregnant but there is no longer any baby for me to protect or nurture.

Wishing that my baby sleeps well with the angels is no small comfort to me as my selfish nature wishes that my baby could sleep well with us but I suppose there is a greater plan that I can neither see nor understand.

My heart at the moment says that if we are ever graced with a baby and a girl then my choice of names stop with Hope and Faith because I am trying to cling onto both at this difficult time however only time will tell and the future is not to been seen.